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Featuring an Assortment of Funny Christmas Quotes

"It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture." Buddy the Elf, Elf
"You're skipping Christmas! Isn't that against the law?" Christmas with the Kranks
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red." Unknown Author
"A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn't get into a single argument all day." Unknown Author
"Every family has one weird relative. If you don't know who it is, then it's probably you." Unknown Author
"People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas." Unknown Author
"Santa told me you'd been very good this year. I told him it was just a lack of opportunity." Unknown Author
"Dear Santa, I have been nice all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I'll buy my own stuff." Unknown Author
"They say the best Christmas gifts come from the heart... but cash and gift cards do wonders too." Unknown Author
"One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales." Unknown Author
"The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can't charge it." Bill Vaughan
"There's something about Christmas that's just so magical. Money seems to disappear into thin air." Unknown Author
"Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?" Unknown Author
"Dear Santa, I was framed." Unknown Author
"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money." Unknown Author
"It's that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place – to look at their phones." Jimmy Kimmel
"A family Christmas photo is thirty minutes of negotiation captured in one peaceful second." Unknown Author
"Hosting Christmas is inviting everyone over and then wondering why everyone came." Unknown Author
"Guests always ask what they can bring after you have already bought everything." Unknown Author
"The best thing about Christmas planning is how confidently it ignores reality." Unknown Author
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family—in another city." George Burns
"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." Jerry Seinfeld
"Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead." Bill Bryson
"It will be a very traditional Christmas, with presents, crackers, doors slamming and people bursting into tears." Victoria Wood
"The worst gift is fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other." Johnny Carson

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