Relationship Quotes Napkins - Case

"I used to be in a relationship... but I'm much better now."

"Current relationship status: Sleeping diagonally across a king size bed."

"Date someone who gives you the same feeling of when you see food coming at a restaurant."

"If you text "I love you" and the person sends back and emoji, no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."

"As someone flailing in my own relationships, allow me to offer you some advice."

"I'll never join an online dating service. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way...through alcohol and poor judgement."

"Relationship Status: Table for one, drinks for two."

"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice; You can be right or you can be happy."

"The Olympics have lasted longer than any of my relationships."

"Dating after 30 is easy. It's like riding a bike. But the bike is on fire, the ground is on fire and you are riding through hell."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times... just to be sure."

"I'm no longer dating. If you're interested in me, I need a 500 word essay on how you will not waste my time."

"Relationships are like a walk in the park... Jurassic Park."

"People ask me... Why are you single? You're attractive, intelligent, and creative. My reply is "I'm overqualified.""

"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the questions."

"Relationships give us a reason to live... revenge!"

"The key to a successful relationship is to clear your internet history."

"My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle and is lost."

"A relationship lasts longer when Facebook doesn't know about it."

"I'm too old for Netflix and chill...now I want Amazon Prime and commitment."

"I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake."

"Before you begin a relationship with someone let them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are."

"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."

"I don't need a relationship. I need a million dollars and a fast metabolism."

"If you love someone, set them free...but keep their Netflix password."